Great Twin Souls Video

When you have 6 minutes to spare, this is a great video about Twin Souls:



Or click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEucX_24VRg

Women Make Things Grow...

Someone sent this quote to me today, I love it.


Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.


Go back to the posts about the sun and the moon, women and trees and read about how a woman can only reflect back to a man what he first gave to her.


This may sound like it is a man's fault when things go wrong, and that is not what I am saying at all. If that is what you're reading between the lines then you're probably one of those men who blame things on her PMS or her moodiness and refrain from taking personal responsibility in the first place. Only you would know...


I dare you to try it! Pick a woman, any woman (if you're married hopefully you pick her). Treat her like she is the Queen of this country, literally. Give her the respect and admiration she would deserve if she was truly the Queen (even if you think she doesn't deserve it). Fake it if you must. Give her the love and emotional security she deserves as a Queen (even if you think she doesn't deserve it). Fake it if you must. Do it out of duty if you must (at first). And watch what will happen over the following few days and weeks. Notice her change and start to open up like a flower, watch her radiate like she has never beamed before.


Report your stories back to this blog!



May all your dreams, wishes and hard work come to fruition in 2009 and beyond.


Remember that God gave you the gift of life. What you do with your life is your gift back to God...


Happy New Year Everyone!

The Prison Within

Many years after his miraculous escape from prison, a tinsmith recounts what made his escape possible. His wife, a weaver, had woven the design of the lock to his prison cell ino the prayer rug upon which he prayed five times a day. Realizing that the prayer rug contained the design of his cell's lock, he struck a deal with his jailers to get tools to make small artifacts, which the jailers then sold and profited from. Meanwhile, he also used the tools to create a key to his cell, and one day made his escape.

The moral of the story is that understanding the design of the lock that keeps us imprisoned can help us create the key that will unlock it. It also describes the condition of most of humanity: imprisoned in the labyrinth of our own lives. At times of a crisis feelings such as inadequacy, deficiency, emptiness, lonliness and unhappiness, we may get some insight glimpse to our true confinement. The prison we're in has been created by us, and the key to unluck this prison is within us as well.

Just a little while ago I had a conversation with a 52 year old single man told me that while he is looking for the love of his life, all his married buddies don't want to go home to their wives. They feel like their homes have become their prisons. We had an interesting discussion about marriage, home life, being devoted and dedicated to another person and putting that ring on the finger. What does it all mean?

Having been married myself for 15 years and now having been single for nearly 5 years, I understand the "dilemma" of finding "the one and only" and I too think about whether or not I ever want to get married again. After a disussion with a good friend we came to the conclusion that married people go home because they "have to." Single people go home because they "want to." I'm grossly generalizing, of course, but perhaps you understand.

The way I see it for me is that I first need to realize, see, and admit that I am living in a self created prison. I created it, I can also create the key to get out of it. "Out there" is freedom and yet paradoxically "out there" really means "in here." Only when I am free within can I be free without and can I attract my other (also free) Twin Soul. And together we can live a life free from burdens and "shoulds" and "should nots" and enjoy the freedom and peace that comes from "letting be" and complete detachment.

Much love for 2009!

I miss you so much, my Twin Soul!

I watched one of the most amazing movies this past week. It's called "The Notebook." What an incredible story of love, til the end. I sobbed and cried - it made me think, it made me grow.

After watching the movie I went to bed and felt compelled to read the bible. I love God's wisdom and how he constantly cares for me and helps me grow. I learned that “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

It dawned on me that I get fearful when I think of you being with someone else or you never coming into my life, or me failing to recognize you when you show up. But according to the above, there is no fear in love. And perfect love drives out fear. The message I get is that fear has to do with punishing myself but what do I punish myself for over and over again? I’m done punishing myself. I don’t want to hurt anymore, I just want to love you unconditionally and endlessly. Then I read the following, perhaps you’ve heard it before.

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."

And yet I see so clearly how I am not patient with those around me, definitely not kind at times. I can be rude and self-seeking, only worried about my own hurt, definitely angry and yes, at times I hold a record of wrong of all the things that have happened to me. I delighted in my misery and I failed at protecting us, did not trust God, gave up hope and did not persevere. I fail when I go against all of these and actually push you away from me, rather than attracting you closer to me, and I’m gaining a new perspective of what it means to truly love someone. I had tried in my marriage, and I failed then. I am given a second chance and I don’t want to make mistakes that have to do with love.

I want to succeed at loving you! Because you and we so deserve it.

I realize that as my Twin Soul you will stand before me as my exact mirror image. If I am fearful of love then you are unable to show up in front of me, because my fear would keep you far from me. I get it now.

So I am giving you permission to call me on this. I vow that I will do my best to always be patient with you and those around me, to be kind to you and those around me, to rejoice with the truth, to protect you and us, to trust you, to continually hope and to persevere. I want my love for you to always succeed. If I fail it’s not on purpose (and you know that I will stumble many more times), it’s because somehow I must feel that I need to punish myself. Please guide me to the truth gently but firmly. Remind me, ask me if I am walking in love. Ask for my silence so I won’t hurt us, and hold me while I regain my ground.

And so it is.

Christmas and Viruses

Gee - what a couple of weeks it's been. My computer contracted a virus slash worm and slowly but surely things started to go wrong, until it wouldn't start at all anymore. I just got it back yesterday, and it still doesn't work right. I apologize for the lack of entries.

Being without a computer, when all you do is with the computer, is an interesting experience. Suddenly you're options of expression are a notebook, the telephone and good old in-person communication. I got a lot of those things done these past few days.

Wishing everyone a great holiday season and a splendid New Year!

Love,

Chaszey

Breaking Bowls - Breaking Hearts

Someone sent me an e-mail to yesterday’s post, asking what was the “thing” that made me choose to end the relationship and if I would ever “take him back.” The answers bare to be posted here, because I understand that there are so many out there in similar situations who are hurting.

There was not “one thing” that made me leave, it was an accumulation of pains and hurts over time. It was the continual begging to stop being hurt and the continual abandonment and being ignored in my request. In the end it came down to leadership. I'm a strong woman and I need to be led powerfully by my man just like the sun controls the entire galaxy and the moon reflects her sun's rays of sunlight, I too could only reflect what he first gave me. I started to wither under his cheating rays, not knowing how to deal with it, how to reflect it back to him. I brought my sorrow to him and asked him to deal with it and fix it. He wouldn't. He continued hurting me. Perhaps that's why people's first reaction is to go out and cheat too. I function very differently when it comes to hurt and I certainly would never want to cause the pain I feel on the other person. I want to overcome evil with good. But the good I did wasn't enough, he continued hurting me.

When someone lies to you and they come forward with the truth, show remorse, ask for forgiveness and then do whatever it takes, including bending over backwards, to restoring that broken trust, over time you can perhaps regain your trust in that person. Of course, best would have been if the lie never would have been told in the first place. In the case of continual cheating or continued lying, no matter what the situation is, it’s a whole different ballgame for me. You can’t cheat on someone knowing that it hurts the other person and give a lame “I’m sorry” and expect trust to be restored when in fact you have no intention to stop hurting that person you supposedly love so much. Life and love don’t function this way. Abuse perhaps does.

What’s more important in a relationship: Love or Trust?
Can you live with Love but without Trust?
Can you live with Trust but without Love?

In my opinion Trust IS Love. I can’t live with Love but without Trust, because they are one and the same to me.

As we became more and more intertwined in each other and we started to feel what each other was feeling even when we were apart, when one awoke in the middle of the night to feel the other person’s anxiety, and when I started to be so in tune with his body and spirit that I could slip into his bloodstream to “float around and have a look” to the point where I could see his blood pressure go up or down, it became increasingly difficult to feeling unsafe with that very same person. It will always be beyond me how anyone can say that they love someone and turn around and sleep with someone else. He could have spit in my face and it wouldn't have been as degrading or hurtful.

It got to a point where I would literally feel him having been with this other person. I felt it on every level of my being. It felt as though miniature soldiers were inside of me cutting in half my every blood cell, every molecule and every atom of my being. I literally felt sliced in half.

The anticipation and fear of having to go through so much pain over and over again caused me get curled up in a fetal position on my couch or in my bed crying and asking “why” and “please make it stop” and “please stop hurting me so much” over and over again to the point where I would feel like I was about to throw up. I never got an answer that made sense.

There came a time when I asked myself why I would put myself through so much agony - what for?

Each of us have a replica of a golden bowl somewhere on another plane. Each bowl consists of a unique sound, it is your sound, it is what makes you tick, it is what you use to get back into balance. We hear this sound on a daily basis as we go through life. Whether it be from a car zooming by, a bird chirping, a door closing or a person talking. This tone of yours is present all around you and you pick it up completely subconsciously as you go through life. Without hearing or making this tone you would literally die. It’s the vibration of this tone that holds everything together (yes, even deaf people can “hear” this sound). That’s why some people’s voices are soothing to you and others are irritating to you. Some speak “your tone” and others conflict with it.

The language of the Native Americans is soley comprised of these sounds. The goddess Isis was given the key to unlock the sounds by the God Ra that would allow her to instantly manifest anything she wanted. When you are so in love with another person that you can “hear” their bowl resounding just by you touching them is when you know you’ve got a once in a life time chance of having a relationship that can’t be manufactured, can’t be learned, can’t be obtained, can’t be tweaked at a therapist’s office, such a relationship “just is.” No effort needed to making you sink into each other and becoming truly one being. Your bowls become one. When you have such a relationship you know you have reached heaven on earth and you protect it with all your might; nothing becomes as important as protecting and fostering and nurturing the growth and safety of this sacred and holy union.

I believe we had this opportunity and I also believe that he destroyed it by not protecting it and by shattering our bowl. And so I walk away broken-hearted, perhaps until another life time when he's ready to see what I see, and know what I know.

Unfortunately for me I “saw and heard” more than he did and his actions shattered the bowl we both shared together. The little girl in me went on for weeks picking up the broken pieces, trying silently to put them back together, only so he would shatter them again.

It was when I woke up in the middle of the night over and over again, crying, waking up for days on out with swollen eyes, not feeling like I was heard or taken seriously, but feeling like I was nailed to the cross each time he was with this other person, that I realized that I was the one allowing this pain to continue for as long as I didn’t stop it. Yes, love shouldn’t be this way, it shouldn’t hurt this way. Your partner should hear you and hold you sacred and do whatever it takes to heal the pain, especially when he is the cause of it.

Would I ever take him back?

I don't believe in going backwards and I dislike it when people say: "I want things the way they were back when." We are a growing, changing, moving and ever evolving people. You can never bring things back, you can create new experiences and new memories. Having said that, the fact remains that he still feels so much like he was my Twin Soul, and I am trying to sort out in my meditations if it is possible for one half to "lag behind" on the spiritual journey by so much distance that he could put his other half through so much torture. Logically speaking people are unique and on their own individual journey, of which parts are walked alongside others. We never have the exact and identical journey as another person, it's what makes us humans, it's this thing called "free will" and "freedom of choice."

Having said that what remains for me to look at is the character trait he has of being able to hurt me in ways that I have never been hurt before. And doing it continuously and in spite of me begging to stop. I am concerned that even if he had a change of heart, that eventually and over time he would revert back to a cheating stance and let me down again. During my own 14 year marriage I had one thought of being unfaithful to my husband, it was during a most unhappy and abandoned time in my marriage, and I remember feeling the guilt of the thought. It bothered me so much that I confessed it within just a few days of having had the thought. I felt terrible about letting my husband down, even if only in my mind. He graced me with mercy and forgave me. Cheating or even the thought of it is simply unthinkable to me, I just don't have it in me. And I would like to think that my Twin Soul doesn't have it in him either. The fact that this person does have it in him and not only that, but continued to slice me in half over and over and over again, knowing and seeing me in agony, tells me that he just doesn't care to provide that safe space for me that he demands for himself.

In the end he's made his choice more than once, and to this day the little girl is on her knees picking up the pieces to making her bowl whole again. Will I regret having let the most beautiful relationship go? The only regret is not knowing what could have been. The relationship was so beautiful that when my true Twin Soul shows up it will truly be earth shattering. If this guy was a "taste" of what's to come, then watch out because it will be truly magnificant. So I have only love and compassion and empathy and safety to look foward to. Something this person wasn't willing to truly offer me whole heartedly.

You had also asked if I was having any hard feelings towards this person and how I managed to let him go in peace. In all honesty, I do have hard feelings towards him and it's a continual struggle for me to sever the cords and ties. He will always be such an integral piece of who I am and every heartbeat of mine pumps a holographic replica of our union through my veins. It's as if I can't get rid of him or his memory, no matter how hard I try. I work on forgiveness daily, even hourly.

Remember, time is a great healer. And whether or not I'll ever be able to rid myself of these holographic memory patterns in my blood stream and energetic field is not so important as it is to wrap him up in the golden light that spells love and forgiveness. I don't know what his future holds, this relationship we had may just have been the only true relationship he ever experiences, leaving him searching and longing for the rest of his life, regreting having let go the most beautiful thing he ever had. That would be a shame indeed, because nothing is worse than having let go your one true love when it was in your power to nourish it and grow it and make it be whatever you wanted it to be. If he truly knew and felt what his actions put me through, I'm sure he wouldn't have done it. Ignorance is bliss in many situations. I gave up the right to be ignorant a long time ago.

Having said that, he is a wonderful person and has so many qualities that I have longed for in a man. If there ever was a person I felt like I clicked with in unison, it is him. If there ever was someone I felt truly ONE with, it's him. If there was every anyone I could see myself grow old with, it's him. If there was ever a man I wanted to surrender to, it's him. Unfortunately, when I pushed against him and told him to stay away, he obliged instead of pushing against me and leading me even harder, telling me and showing me that he truly felt the same. He crumbled, he gave in and gave up, instead I needed him to man up. If there is one thing I have learned it's that we can't squeeze square pegs into round holes. No matter the pounding, the edges will never be round enough to be a perfect fit. So let go of the tiresome and unnecessary work and see it as an amazing learning experience. I love him for giving me the gift to stay strong and to stay true to myself; for allowing me to walk through the fire, no matter how much it hurts. When I said "don't call or come by anymore" his response was "I'm sorry the timing for our relationship was off." Instead I needed him to come from a place of "I'll do whatever it takes."

As far as my future is concerned, it looks shiny, bright and happy and filled with true love because it is all I have to offer. I don't have it in me to hurt someone else, to cheat, to lie and deceive. I gave up living like that a long time ago, it takes too much energy to be something that I am not. I'm a lot more at peace being the woman I have come to be. A Tigress she is. It's just going to take the right man, her Twin Soul, who is willing to step up to the plate and bring her forth and out into the open where she can live in safety, knowing that her love will always hold her in utmost safety and would never do anything to hurt her. I look forward to that day and I know that day is just around the corner...

All my love to you, Readers!

Saying Goodbye - Watch the Movie

Spirituality and Sex - What Went Wrong?

How many times have you heard someone say: "We live only once." (Translation: Therefore, let's go out and commit all the evil we can while we have a chance...)

We live and sleep around as if we truly did live only once. Unfortunately what takes place on a spiritual level when two people merge their bodies, be in in the way of true Twin Soul love or a "quickie" with someone with "no strings attached," matters and shapes your energetic DNA and your future life times.

We have heard of the "law of balance," or at least of something called "duality." Up and down, in and out, as above so below, and so on. Everything that happens on this physical plane also happens on a non-physical level. When we die we leave this physical body, this shell if you will, behind. We take with us the memory of what we have experienced in this life time as well as all previous life times. Based on these memories we formulate the lessons we need to learn in our future life times to come.

Most know that we have what's called an aura. Just like a flame on a candle gives out a beautiful light around its flame, we too have a flame inside of us, which is our soul, and it too gives out a beautiful light around us, which we call aura. This aura is of an energetic nature and can have rips and tears and streaks in it just like any other fabric. Everything and everyone we encounter, whether in our real body or just inside our minds, shapes and colors our aura.

Being in a room with another person immediately affects your aura, for the better or worse, depending on the other person's energy and your weakness or strength to uphold your own frequency.

Just like we recharge batteries with masculine and feminine energy, our bodies get recharged by merging our physical bodies with our counterparts. We need this life giving and life sustaining merging in order to recharge our batteries (our bodies) and continue on with life. Merging with just anybody can have detrimental effects on our bodies. It's of utmost importance that we merge with only the person who is as close to equal as possible to our energetic charge or our battery (body) gets damaged. Electricity always travels downhill faster than it does uphill. The same principle applies when you merge your body with someone whose energetic callibration is of a much lesser strength than yours. You being the higher vibrational being are being pulled down much faster than the other person is raised to your frequency.

Merging your body in ecstasy with the right person, your Twin Soul, opens up your channels to art, innovation, creation, progress, life, growth, change, inventions and everything good in life. We always merge our energies with people we meet physically or even only on a mental level. Where this meeting becomes even more powerful is if our bodily fluids become part of this exchange. It is during these interactions that energy exchanges become actual links like those in a chain, and our DNA strands become interlocked. The person you want to be interlocked with forever is your Twin Soul, not some stranger you met at the local bar for a one night stand. Unfortunately that person's DNA is now interlocked with you too, long after you've already forgotten his name, if you ever even got his name.

Our auras are affected to certain levels of degrees. If you look at a child you see its pure aura surrounding its being. If you look at a prostitute you see her aura of a tainted and merky matter. The more physical partners anyone has had, the more "watered down," distorted and weak their aura looks and feels.

Sexual intercourse creates an even more intense bond energetically and physically, than if you're just shaking a person's hand and sit next to them during a business dinner. Allowing a man to penetrate you is allowing him to interlock your DNA with his on a forever plane. Receiving and absorbing his physical bodily fluids fills your DNA with the entire blueprint of all of his memories, this life time as well as past life times. In fact, the Sanskrit's believe that a woman who sleeps with a man takes on his entire karma at the time of intercourse. Energy strands known as "cords" remain attached to both of you, long after your relationship is over. His energy is with you for years and life times to come, until your karma with this person is resolved. It should take an act of love to be willing to take on another person's karma and live with them for life and help each other resolve each other's karma, rather than enjoy a few thrills of bodily orgasms, which only serve to add to your current karma rather than reduce it.

Two people who are truly Twin Souls are able to literally feed each other through these cords, anything from energetic foods of positive thoughts to spurts of happiness. This cord is their lifeline to each other. It's this person you want to interlock with for eternity, because your Twin Soul in essence is a replica of you, it is you, your mirror image, you only reversed. Anyone else is an intruder and will cause your energy to dissipate over time, making you sick physically and mentally, incapable of thinking straight or producing anything of value in this life.

Our planet Earth is our home, it's where we all live and enjoy her boundless resources. Imagine if we just took and took and took and took and completely depleted her resources, we'd have no home left to live in. The same goes for our bodies. Our body is our home, we have to watch our resources (energy) and how we spend our energy. We can't give our energy out freely and merge with people we have no business merging with. In doing so we only deplete our own planet, our own body. Just like we can't use the planet as a dumpsite, we can't use our body to feed it garbage (sex that is not based on love and is not based on rejuvinating both partners).

This doesn't mean that we should only have sex with the person we married, especially not if you realize that the person you married was the wrong person for you in the first place. In doing so you only further damaging your own body, your aura and your spiritual journey on this plane. Instead, remove yourself from that person, cleanse yourself of that person's energy, their cords and your karma with them. Merge with only one person who is your Twin Soul so you can gain the highest benefit from your "battery recharging system." Look at this union as a bucket or container into which both of you pour your heart-energy into. When the bucket is full you can feed off of it for a long time to come, when the container is empty you fill it up again (by having more sex). But you never, ever pour the energy out of the bucket onto the floor where it would spill and go to waste, by merging your sacred energy with somone other than your Twin Soul.

If you are being cheated on or you're the cheater, than you're taking the contents of this sacred container and you're wasting what has been poured in holiness. Your aura will reflect this spill and the aura of the person whom you're cheating on will reflect this lack in forms of rips and shreds (that's why you feel like you're being torn to pieces when someone cheats on you, the tearing is real) and with a lack of glow on her face. Watch an unhappy woman carefully and you'll easily pick up a man who lacks responsibility by her side. Watch an unhappy man the same way and you'll quickly pick up an unsurrendered woman by his side. Both meddle in other people's energies and have given up feeding what each other give each other. Trust is lost.

Meddling with other people's physical bodies (cheating) not only leaves you marked aurically with that other person's DNA but you are physically merging three people's bodily fluids into one. The science of this is not seen in Mother Nature, ever. All we see if the merging of two compatible opposites, such as hydrogen and oxygen creating something brand new: water. Sodium and chlorine creating something brand new: table salt. The same takes place with us. You cannot create water by merging hydrogen, oxygen and peroxide - it simply won't work. In the same way, you cannot expect purity, trust and love when that is not why and how you're merging with another person.

Yet we try it all the time and then we wonder how come true love never seems to come our way!

The bible talks about us being virgins when we get married. Often we feel that we are serving a God who wants to punish us because he supposedly doesn't want us to enjoy physical pleasure by having sex with people. Little do we know that when two aurically pure beings merge for the first time and forever stay together, that we have two people that are aurically so bonded and pure that they can undertake anything they choose and they are energentically and in any other way supported by the laws of nature. Aurically pure couples are additionally protected by a special, non-penetrateable shield that most won't ever attain. They also don't have any cords that keep them from what's really important. It's not that God is a mean God, it's because God is a loving God that we're told to merge as virgins.

Now this may put a damper on most people because how many people do you know who are still virgins? So what are you to do if you're no longer a virgin?

There is a lot you can do; for one you can "go back" in time and cleanse yourself from the cords and energetic attachments of other people. You can decide to get a fresh start and to keep yourself from getting muddied even more and keep yourself clean and pure until you meet your Twin Soul. Work on yourself first and get yourself ready for that joyous reunion. Know that it will happen sooner than you think.

Most of all, forgive. Others as well as yourself for having merged with people you really didn't want to merge with in the first place, but did anyway. Perhaps you didn't have any control over it; set them free anway, let them go in peace and with forgiveness in your heart, wishing them only love and purity as well.

The Pain of Cheating

There are always at least three "victims" when one person cheats on another.

1. The person who is being cheated on
2. The person whom is used to cheat on another
3. The person who does the cheating

When there are children involved, the children become victims too. Whether the cheating gets uncovered or not. Your friends get involved, they hurt for you. Your work suffers because you want to crawl up in a hole and die because the pain is so unbearable. And if the cheating takes enough breath from the people involved, entire groups of people and even entire communities and nations get affected (no need to remind us of the Clinton scandal).

But what happens when you ask the person to stop it because it hurts so much but he just won't stop (because the list of excuses is always the same)?

My Dad started an affair with his much younger secretary when I was 10 years old. Two years later it had blossomed to the kind of relationship he found it worth to leave his wife and two children for. He left and took my sister.

I remember feeling like he cheated on me, not my mother, but me personally. I never asked myself what I could have done differently to not have him leave; my Dad was weak and I never respected my Dad the way Dads deserve to be respected. And in a way I was glad his tyranny stopped. Dealing with my angry mother became a whole other world for me; one I didn't want to be part of anymore.

I was confused about whom I should be angry at: men for being cheating dogs and pigs or women for stealing married fathers from their little girls.

I decided to hate them both. And so I spent the next few years in hatred, which only caused me to get sick and sicker and sicker until I found myself on my death bed. To get the whole story you'll have to get the 6-hour audio program; it's a long story with a happy ending. For the sake of this post, let's just say that my father's cheating was not what hurt me, it was how he handled the situation after he came clean with it. People make mistakes and it takes two or three to cheat. Mistakes are to be forgiven. But what if someone continues to hurt you with the same pain over and over again even after you beg them to stop?

For years I swore to myself that I would never get married; I knew that I could never bare getting cheated on twice. When I met my future husband to be I changed my mind. He just didn't seem like the kind of guy that would cheat on me or anyone for that matter. And yet the first seven years of our marriage were spent in hell each time we had a fight. I was convinced that he would eventually cheat on me just like my father had, it was just a matter of time. I did so much injustice to my husband, and for that I'm so sorry. Lots of self-growth and therapy and after layers and layers of forgiveness spells I was able to let go of the hurt and pain from my Dad cheating and I also removed the burden from my husband.

Our marriage wasn't built on that solid stuff lasting marriages were supposed to be built on, and so it only lasted 14 years. But one thing my husband and I never did was cheat on each other. And for that I am eternally grateful.

And then I met a man I was utterly convinced was my Twin Soul. We were so intertwined and the same that it many ways it could be considered spooky. We even had body parts that showed identical markings, only on the other side. I had a mole on the left side of my face at the exact same spot where his was on the right side; even the mole looked the same. His right ankle was messed up, as was my left ankle. He had green dots in his eyes and I have yellow dots in my eyes. Our hands were shaped almost identical, only his were super sized. We even had obtained the almost identical injuries to our bodies over our life time. Experienced the same childhood stories in many ways, just amazing our lives as separate beings, yet so much the same. The most amazing thing was the way we could almost read each others' thoughts and feelings and the way we could feel each others' internal organs. I could feel his blood pressure and see his blood get pumped through his heart at certain intervals that painted a clear energetic picture for me, which in turn showed me his blood pressure as high or low. We could be standing or sitting hugging and as soon as his blood pressure would drop I could see it and feel it inside my own body. If I would wake up in the middle of the night, he would wake up at the same time and feel my anxiety, even though we were physically apart. It was simply amazing.

Yet no matter how much we felt that we were Twin Souls and how much we loved each other, he continued to cheat on me and so on himself and us.

I had never been cheated on, except by my father, and I remember the pain as if it was yesterday. The request to have this agony stop remained unheard, excuses came flowing in and nothing changed. Until the day my heart felt as though it broke to pieces. It was the day of our anniversary, when he cheated one last time. I could not take it anymore.

All my life I have lived my life as a "wall flower" in this department, like a good girl, a god-fearing woman, a one-man kind of woman, never having a one-night stand, wanting to serve my man whole heartedly, never allowing myself the space of unsafety, always caring for my soul with deep adoration and saving myself for the one Twin Soul. And yet I have made huge mistakes along the way and I have paid with much heartache as many others have. Why did I feel it necessary to muddy myself and letting myself be dipped in filth by a human being I had entrusted my fragile soul to this person? Most would call it blind faith, having those rose glasses on, love is blind, you know the drill. It was because of all the good we had in our relationship, it outweighed the cheating, at least so I told myself. But cheating hurts like hell, everyone who has ever been cheated on knows this first hand and you would like nothing more than to forget that nightmare. All you can think of and see if your beloved person being physically involved with that other person and it puts you on a downward spiral you can't seem to get out of; it's a nightmare you can't seem to wake up from.

For me it's the ultimate place of feeling unsafe, of having lost trust in this other person whom I have entrusted my soul in all its glory, as fragile as I was, only so he could drop it and trample it in the most defiling way possible. Some of you may not understand this, perhaps as I continue writing as the days and weeks and months go on, you will too.

Sometimes it takes a whole lot of pain from one person to another before we wake up. I had the opportunity to never get involved with this person, but because of how I felt it was my sincerest belief that this might just be my Twin Soul that I chose to get involved and gently dabble in what became an amazing journey otherwise. Filled with bliss, filled with agony because he wouldn't stop cheating.

Now looking back I am looking for hindsight to be my best friend - what was my lesson? Why did I let myself get treated so poorly?

Cheating is never okay, under no circumstances, and for no reason. If your spouse is no longer the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then have the balls to leave her and keep your children in the holiness and dignity they deserve. I remember asking my mother why she stayed with my Dad when she didn't love him and she said: "Because of you and your sister."

I hated my mother for making us the glue to her unhappiness. At 12 years old I felt that she should have left him for the chance of finding someone else and get a chance at happiness. She said: "It was the 60s and I had 2 kids to support, not an easy time to find another man."

Bullshit all those excuses!

There are plenty of men who fall in love with pregnant women and are willing to adopt these children as theirs. There are plenty of great men out there! Making excuses is just another way of saying that you're weak and you don't deserve a chance at true love.

For those of you out there who have ever been cheated on - please stop being the martyr, you don't deserve to be cheated on, ever. There is never a good excuse or explanation. It's just plain wrong!

How can the person who claims to be your Twin Soul and love you so unconditionally get it on with somone else in the first place? Out of habit, out of duty, out of some sick and twisted responsibility? If he truly loved you and cared for you, all he would see is your hurt face while he's with someone else. That alone should make him rethink his actions. But obviously he's got a side to him that allows him to "tuck you away" until he's done with his most hurtful deed. Not much love there, if you ask me...

So feel your pain, own your part in it, let go of the anger eventually, and send the person who hurt you so much your blessings. Let them have the person they continue to cheat with, and wish them well, while you look on to grow from this and get ready for the true Twin Soul who would never hurt you in such a way. No matter how much it breaks your heart to move on. Your heart will heal in due time. For now let it be, let them go, and put your focus on you once again. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself first and foremost and swear to yourself to never let yourself be dragged through the mud in such a terrible way again.

Because no one deserves to feel so much torture and agony - no one.

When Your Heart Deceives You

Most of us have heard the scripture: "The heart is deceitful above all things."

How often (or not) has someone come along and you were sure that this must be "the one," only for you to find out that your heart was playing tricks on you. We are a gullible people, most of us, because that little void within us all is reserved for that one special person who is the only one to fill that void. And how we long to fill that void; so when love hits us, or at least we think it's love, then of course we want that person to be "the one," the one to fill the void, the one to call us home, the one to help us rest in timeless suspension.

But what if the person you thought was "the one" is only another relationship to prepare you for the real deal? How will you know that this was not the one?

It would be nice to be awake and conscious enough to "get it" right away. Because Life knows the signs and symbols and red flags are all there right from the get-go. What's in the way are those pink glasses we seem to see everything through. It's as if we have to get hurt over and over again until those glasses get knocked off and we can see clearly again that we get back on the right track.

Here is a simple rule of thumb to knowing if the person you're dealing with is "the one" or just another relationship in preparation of "the one."

If s/he does something and you express that this hurts you, and s/he continues to do them - s/he is NOT the one. No matter what the circumstances, no matter the excuses, no matter the plan, your beloved Twin Soul simply doesn't have it in him or her to hurt you because in doing so, s/he would only hurt him/herself, which would contradict his or her very essence.

Above all, love yourself with dignity, integrity, unconditionally and be gentle with yourself. Don't hurt yourself and certainly don't let anyone else hurt you either. Love should never hurt even for a split second but should be a stronghold for people to come to for nourishment and safety.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Waiting and preparing a space for our Twin Soul takes energy, effort and a tremendous amount of desire. As everything goes and comes in cycles and rhythms, I too can feel the rhythms of desire for him stronger at times, and weaker at other times. Life gets in the way and distratctions serve to lead me off the path of wanting and desiring to be with my Twin Soul. Perhaps others feel the same as they go about life. Before you know it, evening time is here, it's dark and you feel like retracting, cuddling up on the coach while reading a book and sipping on tea. Then you realize that the bulk of your day went to your employer to making him or her wealthy, and little was done to build your own character and focus on your life instead. The same goes for just another year that has passed. Think about it, we're about to close off 2008. Another year where our Twin Soul has delayed...

So how can we foster and nurture this desire deep within? I often go to Walter Russell's books, and especially to the Divine Iliad, where it states:

"Seek ye, therefore, what ye will in Me and ye shall find it."

"But sit ye not and ask, acting not, for thy desire will not come to thee unaided by thine own strong arms."

I love the analogy of a seasaw. The fulcrum is the power, the desire is in the children wanting to make the seasaw swing. Nothing happens until the two children give it a go (and they put action behind their desire). The actual power of the seasaw, however, is in the fulcrum, the place that remains still. So it is with God and our desire. God (or Light) is our still fulcrum from where we get all of our power and inspiration and even a roadmap of how to make our desires a reality. So the power is here, we are co-creators with God to create ANYTHING we so desire. And yet, nothing happens if I don't back up my desire and take advantage of the power given me, and I don't bring to fruition the desire by the actions I take.

"What actions can I take to bring this Twin Soul into my life?" you might ask.

It's really simple. Live as if s/he is already in your life, pretend that s/he is already there living with you, coming home to you every day, and before you know it, s/he will be there. Prepare your place of living as if your Twin Soul is coming home every night, make it pleasant, inviting and romantic, make it sacred and holy and keep it that way. Don't meddle with "friends with benefits" just to "hold you over." Doing so will only keep him or her from coming to you. Keep your place sacred, keep your heart and your soul sacred by tuning into him or her frequently throughout the day. Write cards and letters, especially now during the holidays and Valentine's day is just around the corner. Date them and put them in a special box for when you can hand them over in real life. Put energy into your relationship "as if" your Twin Soul is already here.

Walk about your day with him/her by your side (energetically speaking). When you think about him or her, smile, let others see that you're in love with your Twin Soul. That you're taken and occupied by a special love that only you and your Twin Soul can complete. BELIEVE that s/he exists at this time. It's only a matter of time until you see his or her face...

Happy Birthday Wishes

I am elated that after 46 birthdays, our paths finally cross to celebrate your 47th. In many ways I feel as though it’s my birthday today too. Perhaps we’re blessed enough to celebrate your next 46 birthdays together.

I have felt the honor of having been in your presence these past few months, having watched you change and grow in a direction that is calling me higher as a woman. You’ve allowed me to surrender to my feminine. When I get scared you step in and hold my soul, allowing me to feel safe in my “weak” and vulnerable space. You have allowed me to feel ways that I have never felt before. Feelings that go beyond ecstasy and reach past the edges of the Universe. With you I feel as though we visit a time and place in the big nowhere, where time and space disappear and we rest in suspension. No matter what the future holds, I thank you for the glimpses of heaven...

Thank you for the path you are taking and for having chosen to walk a bit of this life journey with me. When thinking of the perfect gift to give to the man who has brought out the most feminine in me, I have to admit that no worldly gift will ever come close enough to express my gratitude.

You can wish for anything you want. I anchor and bless all of your wishes of light and pray that you would seize the opportunity for manifesting whatever it is you want. I wish you strength and courage to go after your dreams; tenacity and endurance to keep going when things get tough; pure vision and hearing to see beyond these earthly borders; love, compassion, kindness and humility to always give gifts of heaven to others; strength of character to protect and nurture your dreams; understanding and detachment so not to control the menial and faith and trust to know that everything is always as it should be…

I wish that all of your ideals, dreams and wishes will manifest in the most peaceful and fun ways.

Happy Birthday!

A Prayer for Me (and all Women)

Like the trees of our world - I shall surrender, be, remain solid and steady, beautiful, lush, full of colors, carry fruits, flowers and leafs, with roots as deep as the earth, spreading from within, upward to heaven, outward as if to hug the world, providing shelter and shade to those who come, and safety, yet never holding on to anything or anyone, not even her own fruit and leafs. Never chasing my husband, the wind, but letting him come to me...Never to get his job and my job confused; let him chase after me and ruffle my leafs and shake my branches so my fruit can fall, die and multiply. It's my job to sway according to the strength and guidance of his leadership, whether he sways me hard or gently - my job is to be led by him, to never refuse his leadership, his pressure, his gentleness, and not to hold on to him, complain about this leadership or to try to lead him in another direction than where he wants to go. I am working on me, my strength, my flexibility and limberness, my yielding, my surrender. And in due time and when he is ready, he shall return.

Women and Trees and the Wind

And my quest for my Twin Soul continues, and so do the lessons. I had mentioned that one of my requests to the Universe is the gift of detachment, of letting go and giving up control. It's a tall order and a powerful request and already I am being given opportunities to practice detachment (perhaps more than I bargained for).

Today I talked to a friend and out came the words: "I've let go of the outcome and am just moving on and forward with my life." I am realizing that I think and say these words more than I ever have, and it's because detachment from things and people, even life itself, is very dear to my heart. Above all I want peace and freedom. Most might ask what the heck is wrong with me wanting to let go of life and people and circumstances. The truth is that our bodies and this life doesn't really exist on the same plane as does our light source from which we came from and to which we are returning to. In other words, this life and everything you see is an illusion serving the great divine purpose for us to get reunited at the mountain top. I want to get to that mountain top rather than lingering here in the jungle, walking this evolutionary journey as a non-conscious individual being. I'm part of the whole, a fragment of you, if you will.

Giving up control to any outcome is a scary thing because after all, it's kind of what we're all about on this worldly plane. We start companies to have success, not to "let go of the outcome." We start relationships so we can "hold on" to the partnership. We exercise so we can be healthy, not so we can let go of health. It's a tricky thing to explain what I mean by "detachment." But I shall give it a try nonetheless.

A tree is feminine, with roots deep and wide into the soil, holding her down, letting her stand straight and firm. The wind is male, and comes to ruffle her leaves on a daily basis. Sometimes harder than other times. We've never seen a tree's branches reach out and trying to grab on to the wind, kind of like saying: "You stay here, I'm not gonna let you go!" It doesn't work this way in nature. Feminine and masculine work together in unison and synchronicity, and exclusive trust that can only be described as divine. Yet in relationships and life in general, we refuse to "let go" of the order of things, we want to hold back people because we want them in our lives.

The clearest example is that of funerals. Most people cry because they have lost a person. In there lies the key, THEY have lost the person. They cry for selfish reasons really. Because most people don't have a clue of where the deceased person is or how that person is "feeling" on the other plane. In other words, we have a hard time letting go even of death. We refuse to work with Life and accept life and death as an inseparable team. We love life, we hate death. It's when we get to love both the same that we have made major strides to walking a higher evolutionary journey. This also includes letting go of peope who are not meant to be in our lives, as friends, family members or our life partners.

As a woman who wants to learn how to detach myself from the outcome of finding and reuniting with my Twin Soul I have to look to Nature to finding the examples there. I certainly can't look in any magazine to tell me how I should be as a woman, I would miserably fail. Nature has something down that we as humans seem to screw up because we interfere too much with our egos, rather than living from within. With our male and analytical brain we overrule the deep and mysterious, only to find that we become jagged and hard and stubborn. As a woman, however, I am dedicated to being "all woman" through and through. And it's one of the easiest and also one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I am not physically attached to my Twin Soul like Siamese Twins are, and so I walk as a seeming separate being, seemingly responsible for just myself, working and earning money (masculine side) and walking my evolutionary path dedicated to "going home" to our light source (feminine quality). And yet, energetically speaking I am very much attached and united with my Twin Soul, even though he's not occupying my physical space as of yet. So it's about bridging the gap between now and then, and doing so in the truest sense of my essence, which is feminine.

As a single woman I have a responsibility to my Twin Soul to work on my femininity, not to foster and grow his masculine essence. In doing so I would only keep him farther apart. The question is, how can I as a stand-alone and single woman treasure and increase my feminine essence, the round aspect of my being, and prepare a space for his arrival while still taking care of "his functions" while I living life?

This post may be confusing to some, because it may not make sense to you, and that's okay. It will make sense to my Twin Soul. I am dedicated to working on my feminine essence, on being like a solid tree, letting you ruffle my leaves with your gentle caresses, while standing strong in Mother Earth, and allowing you to fully penetrate my every branch and leaf with your soft massaging attempts to wow me.

I may need more help in the surrendering process than I'd like to admit. So I am putting it out there into the Universe: please forgive me if I take over leadership, if I tell you how to walk your path and how to pave our journey ahead of us. It's not my job, I am fully aware. My job is to BE, your job is to DO. When I fail, know that I long to "just be" and that perhaps I take over your responsibilities because I don't see your actions keeping us safe. I may push and test you unconsciously, to see if you'll break. Because if you falter and crumble and shrivel under my pushing, the world certainly will crush you. Above all I want to BE, just BE, and I can only BE and detach and surrender to you completely, if I know that you will not let us be crushed by the world. So please stand up to me. When I push don't falter but open me up to your love instead. MAKE ME trust you by lovingly opening me to your leadership. The sun and wind are your teachers (and mine) and the moon and trees are mine (and yours). Above all, lead me with actions more than with your words...