Half Dead - Half Alive

About 9 months ago I met someone who had asked all his life for bliss and happiness. Having come to close to half a century old he had almost given up to ever finding bliss and happiness and had started to settle in to the mediocre, predictable life he had created. Suddenly he realized that he was given everything needed to live a blissful and happy life and at first tended to it like any farmer would tend to the fragile seeds he had just planted.

After a few months, however, he realized that he may not have the strength to continue taking care of his new crop. Living on bare and non-producing land had left him starving for love, bliss and happiness all his life, but suddenly having to tend to the protection of his newly planted crop seemed overwhelming. He doubted. He lost faith.

Before he returned to his old life I pointed out that the beautiful half-dead, half-alive oak tree in front of my house was here to remind him too that we can live seemingly alive on the outside, yet dying on the inside....

He chose to die, although not consciously, he nonetheless told the universe that what he had asked for, bliss and happiness, was really not the fruit he wanted to reap in this life time. Mediocrity, boredom and therefore death, however, was all he knew.

And so he returned (and with it to an early grave)...

As long as you live in this body you have a choice. And as long as you have a choice you can always choose to resurrect your Self, in spite of the previous choices you made, even if you chose death in the past.

Now go forth and choose life!

A Prayer for Me (and all Women)

Like the trees of our world - I shall surrender, be, remain solid and steady, beautiful, lush, full of colors, carry fruits, flowers and leafs, with roots as deep as the earth, spreading from within, upward to heaven, outward as if to hug the world, providing shelter and shade to those who come, and safety, yet never holding on to anything or anyone, not even her own fruit and leafs. Never chasing my husband, the wind, but letting him come to me...Never to get his job and my job confused; let him chase after me and ruffle my leafs and shake my branches so my fruit can fall, die and multiply. It's my job to sway according to the strength and guidance of his leadership, whether he sways me hard or gently - my job is to be led by him, to never refuse his leadership, his pressure, his gentleness, and not to hold on to him, complain about this leadership or to try to lead him in another direction than where he wants to go. I am working on me, my strength, my flexibility and limberness, my yielding, my surrender. And in due time and when he is ready, he shall return.

Women and Trees and the Wind

And my quest for my Twin Soul continues, and so do the lessons. I had mentioned that one of my requests to the Universe is the gift of detachment, of letting go and giving up control. It's a tall order and a powerful request and already I am being given opportunities to practice detachment (perhaps more than I bargained for).

Today I talked to a friend and out came the words: "I've let go of the outcome and am just moving on and forward with my life." I am realizing that I think and say these words more than I ever have, and it's because detachment from things and people, even life itself, is very dear to my heart. Above all I want peace and freedom. Most might ask what the heck is wrong with me wanting to let go of life and people and circumstances. The truth is that our bodies and this life doesn't really exist on the same plane as does our light source from which we came from and to which we are returning to. In other words, this life and everything you see is an illusion serving the great divine purpose for us to get reunited at the mountain top. I want to get to that mountain top rather than lingering here in the jungle, walking this evolutionary journey as a non-conscious individual being. I'm part of the whole, a fragment of you, if you will.

Giving up control to any outcome is a scary thing because after all, it's kind of what we're all about on this worldly plane. We start companies to have success, not to "let go of the outcome." We start relationships so we can "hold on" to the partnership. We exercise so we can be healthy, not so we can let go of health. It's a tricky thing to explain what I mean by "detachment." But I shall give it a try nonetheless.

A tree is feminine, with roots deep and wide into the soil, holding her down, letting her stand straight and firm. The wind is male, and comes to ruffle her leaves on a daily basis. Sometimes harder than other times. We've never seen a tree's branches reach out and trying to grab on to the wind, kind of like saying: "You stay here, I'm not gonna let you go!" It doesn't work this way in nature. Feminine and masculine work together in unison and synchronicity, and exclusive trust that can only be described as divine. Yet in relationships and life in general, we refuse to "let go" of the order of things, we want to hold back people because we want them in our lives.

The clearest example is that of funerals. Most people cry because they have lost a person. In there lies the key, THEY have lost the person. They cry for selfish reasons really. Because most people don't have a clue of where the deceased person is or how that person is "feeling" on the other plane. In other words, we have a hard time letting go even of death. We refuse to work with Life and accept life and death as an inseparable team. We love life, we hate death. It's when we get to love both the same that we have made major strides to walking a higher evolutionary journey. This also includes letting go of peope who are not meant to be in our lives, as friends, family members or our life partners.

As a woman who wants to learn how to detach myself from the outcome of finding and reuniting with my Twin Soul I have to look to Nature to finding the examples there. I certainly can't look in any magazine to tell me how I should be as a woman, I would miserably fail. Nature has something down that we as humans seem to screw up because we interfere too much with our egos, rather than living from within. With our male and analytical brain we overrule the deep and mysterious, only to find that we become jagged and hard and stubborn. As a woman, however, I am dedicated to being "all woman" through and through. And it's one of the easiest and also one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I am not physically attached to my Twin Soul like Siamese Twins are, and so I walk as a seeming separate being, seemingly responsible for just myself, working and earning money (masculine side) and walking my evolutionary path dedicated to "going home" to our light source (feminine quality). And yet, energetically speaking I am very much attached and united with my Twin Soul, even though he's not occupying my physical space as of yet. So it's about bridging the gap between now and then, and doing so in the truest sense of my essence, which is feminine.

As a single woman I have a responsibility to my Twin Soul to work on my femininity, not to foster and grow his masculine essence. In doing so I would only keep him farther apart. The question is, how can I as a stand-alone and single woman treasure and increase my feminine essence, the round aspect of my being, and prepare a space for his arrival while still taking care of "his functions" while I living life?

This post may be confusing to some, because it may not make sense to you, and that's okay. It will make sense to my Twin Soul. I am dedicated to working on my feminine essence, on being like a solid tree, letting you ruffle my leaves with your gentle caresses, while standing strong in Mother Earth, and allowing you to fully penetrate my every branch and leaf with your soft massaging attempts to wow me.

I may need more help in the surrendering process than I'd like to admit. So I am putting it out there into the Universe: please forgive me if I take over leadership, if I tell you how to walk your path and how to pave our journey ahead of us. It's not my job, I am fully aware. My job is to BE, your job is to DO. When I fail, know that I long to "just be" and that perhaps I take over your responsibilities because I don't see your actions keeping us safe. I may push and test you unconsciously, to see if you'll break. Because if you falter and crumble and shrivel under my pushing, the world certainly will crush you. Above all I want to BE, just BE, and I can only BE and detach and surrender to you completely, if I know that you will not let us be crushed by the world. So please stand up to me. When I push don't falter but open me up to your love instead. MAKE ME trust you by lovingly opening me to your leadership. The sun and wind are your teachers (and mine) and the moon and trees are mine (and yours). Above all, lead me with actions more than with your words...