I miss you so much, my Twin Soul!

I watched one of the most amazing movies this past week. It's called "The Notebook." What an incredible story of love, til the end. I sobbed and cried - it made me think, it made me grow.

After watching the movie I went to bed and felt compelled to read the bible. I love God's wisdom and how he constantly cares for me and helps me grow. I learned that “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

It dawned on me that I get fearful when I think of you being with someone else or you never coming into my life, or me failing to recognize you when you show up. But according to the above, there is no fear in love. And perfect love drives out fear. The message I get is that fear has to do with punishing myself but what do I punish myself for over and over again? I’m done punishing myself. I don’t want to hurt anymore, I just want to love you unconditionally and endlessly. Then I read the following, perhaps you’ve heard it before.

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."

And yet I see so clearly how I am not patient with those around me, definitely not kind at times. I can be rude and self-seeking, only worried about my own hurt, definitely angry and yes, at times I hold a record of wrong of all the things that have happened to me. I delighted in my misery and I failed at protecting us, did not trust God, gave up hope and did not persevere. I fail when I go against all of these and actually push you away from me, rather than attracting you closer to me, and I’m gaining a new perspective of what it means to truly love someone. I had tried in my marriage, and I failed then. I am given a second chance and I don’t want to make mistakes that have to do with love.

I want to succeed at loving you! Because you and we so deserve it.

I realize that as my Twin Soul you will stand before me as my exact mirror image. If I am fearful of love then you are unable to show up in front of me, because my fear would keep you far from me. I get it now.

So I am giving you permission to call me on this. I vow that I will do my best to always be patient with you and those around me, to be kind to you and those around me, to rejoice with the truth, to protect you and us, to trust you, to continually hope and to persevere. I want my love for you to always succeed. If I fail it’s not on purpose (and you know that I will stumble many more times), it’s because somehow I must feel that I need to punish myself. Please guide me to the truth gently but firmly. Remind me, ask me if I am walking in love. Ask for my silence so I won’t hurt us, and hold me while I regain my ground.

And so it is.